Monday, December 15, 2008

Africa News Today - Turkeys! The 100 Worst Movies of 2008 Our critics hated them, but audiences lured by multimillion dollar marketing campaigns defied our advice. Do you agree with our selection of the worst films of 2008? Click film titles for revi

Turkeys! The 100 Worst Movies of 2008

Our critics hated them, but audiences lured by multimillion dollar marketing campaigns defied our advice. Do you agree with our selection of the worst films of 2008? Click film titles for reviews. Have your say below

The Hottie and The Nottie: starring Paris Hilton

Hottie and Nottie: the director dribbles over Paris Hilton as myopically as his hapless hero does

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100: The Hottie & The Nottie
"The most eagerly hated movie in America is a tongue-in-cheek homage to Paris Hilton that has drawn nothing but poisonous reviews. On IMDb it has been voted the worst film ever made" - James Christopher

99: Sex and the City
"Everything great about the series has been lost in transition. The fizz has gone, the fun looks fake and the laughs are few" - Cosmo Landesman

98: The Incredible Hulk
"Millions of dollars of computer software at their disposal and the best they can come up with is something that looks like angry Plasticine" - Wendy Ide

97: Wanted
"A movie ruthlessly designed for an audience of comic nerds who suspect that they are destined for greater things" - Kevin Maher

96: My Blueberry Nights
"Wong Kar Wai's first English-language film, and I, for one, hope it will be his last. Something got lost in the translation: his talent" - Cosmo Landesman

95: Easy Virtue
"A criminal waste of Colin Firth – arguably the most charming man in British cinema – in a role that requires him to shuffle around looking like an unmade bed" - Wendy Ide

94: Zack and Miri Make a Porno
"Seth Rogen is an amiable and chubby clown, and quite possibly the most unconvincing romantic hero since Adam Sandler. The most soppy and unsexy 18-certificate skin-flick ever made" - James Christopher

93: Hannah Montana
"Miley Cyrus hails from the Hilary Duff school of wholesome, squeaky-clean candy pop. She comes across as another (fake) blonde singing vacuous fluff, complete with pushy stage mom" - Saadeya Shamsuddin

92: The Oxford Murders
"Imagine The Da Vinci Code remade by a philosophy student, set mostly in Oxford bedsits starring Elijah Wood in the Tom Hanks role, and featuring the world's most unerotic sex scene" - Kevin Maher

91: Mister Lonely
"Harmony Korine's bizarre film about a group of celebrity impersonators who hole up in a Scottish castle: gives The Cottage a respectable run for its money in terms of making no sense at all" - James Christopher

90: The X-Files: I Want to Believe
"It's just not very good; it's an average episode of the TV series stretched to feature length" - Wendy Ide

89: Fine, Totally Fine
"If you're someone who can never have enough Hello Kitty merchandise, this might be just the film for you, but I would have found it hard to bear even without the winsome music that dribbles through every scene" - Edward Porter

88: The Good Night
"While I hate to start chucking around charges of nepotism, I find it hard to believe Gwyneth Paltrow would have signed up were it not written and directed by her little brother" - Wendy Ide

87: Leatherheads
"Oh dear. You have to love George Clooney or American football a lot to want to see this one" - Cosmo Landesman

86: The Bank Job
"The realism here doesn't bear much scrutiny, unless the London of 1971 was populated exclusively by decent criminals, bent coppers, topless barmaids and sinister Whitehall toffs in S&M knocking shops" - Kevin Maher

85: Penelope
"Christina Ricci dons a prosthetic pig's nose as a woman bearing the brunt of her family's curse. The curse can be broken only when Ricci sacks the agent advising her to take films like this" - Wendy Ide

84: Speed Racer
"I can't begin to describe how creepy this futuristic movie is. The famous actors look more plastic than the sets and the plot is a video game" - James Christopher

83: Cassandra's Dream
"Ultimately, the accents are excruciating, the class observations simplistic (everyone is either posh or poor) and the sense of place muddled at best" - Kevin Maher

82: The Romance of Astrea and Celadon
"Talky, tediously overlong and crammed with kitsch, postcard-pretty country scenery; culminates in a cross-dressing pseudo-lesbian clinch" - Wendy Ide

81: City of Ember
"Looks like an early Heath Robinson experiment. The sets are held together by bits of string, and the costumes are supplied by Oxfam" - James Christopher

80: 10,000 BC
"Don't expect Roland Emmerich's film to make much sense, historically, geographically or logically. This is an effects-driven action flick that happens to be wearing a leather loincloth and brandishing a spear" - Wendy Ide

79: Flawless
"Demi Moore still boasts the best voice in the business (an alluring mix of sandpaper on granite, with a dash of honey), but as an actor she is here frequently upstaged by the magnificent foyer of the Grand Theatre in Luxembourg" - Kevin Maher

78: Taken
"A corny, dumb and sentimental tale of revenge by a Superdad terminator who rampages through Paris, wasting bad guys" - Cosmo Landesman

77: Jumper
"Samuel L. Jackson valiantly attempts to look menacing while wearing what looks like a white rubber bathing cap on his head" - Wendy Ide

76: The Chaser
"In the latest scuzzy, violent thriller to reach us from South Korea, a cop turned pimp roams through the lower depths of Seoul in search of one of his prostitutes" - Edward Porter

75: Ghost Town
"Ricky Gervais gets his first leading role in a Hollywood film, but the film's premise is high-concept Hollywood at its creakiest" - Wendy Ide

74: Nights in Rodanthe
"Shamelessly manipulative but too short and sketchy to provide a good wallow: has to make do with Diane Lane's sympathetic presence and Richard Gere's squinty emoting" - Tom Charity

73: Prom Night
"Hoary horror devices are done to death: mirrors reveal the killer's presence; terrified girls lose their clothes during chase scenes, then walk backwards into peril" - Wendy Ide

72: Vantage Point
"Precisely halfway through a plot development of such absurdity causes the whole thing to go down with all hands." - Peter Whittle

71: 21
"Kevin Spacey blackjack movie that gets lost in confused moralising about the need for hard work and honesty while simultaneously celebrating the allure of Las Vegas and the quick, dishonest buck" - Kevin Maher

70: Diary of the Dead
"The horror is toothily familiar. Amazingly, not one of the (living) characters has ever seen a zombie movie" - James Christopher

69: Pineapple Express
"If you are 18 and always stoned out of your brain: seek help. Should you see this film, you will think it really funny, but then your brain is like scrambled egg. Come back Cheech and Chong, all is forgiven!" - Cosmo Landesman

68: Made of Honour
"Call me old-fashioned if you will, but isn't the point of a romantic comedy for the audience to fall in love a little bit – if not with the protagonists, then at least with the idea of their relationship?" - Wendy Ide

67: Brideshead Revisited
"The melodrama is so damp and overwrought it's hard to care about these old ghosts" - James Christopher

66: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"Russell Brand plays a louche rock star as to the manner born, but Judd Apatow's production is just forgettable" - Wendy Ide

65: Mirrors
"A flat, ponderous and at times unintentionally funny horror. Yes, I know it's meant to be some sort of comment on our narcissistic consumer society, but it's not even scary" - Cosmo Landesman

64: Redbelt
"David Mamet intends this to have the irony-free spirit of a Rocky film, but he comes close to the stuff of a frat-pack sports-movie parody" - Edward Porter

63: Get Smart
"It's probably inch perfect, but from this distance it looks like a rejected chapter from the Naked Gun franchise, and infinitely more wooden" - James Christopher

62: Death Defying Acts
"There's not a moment in the film that feels honest and uncontrived. Zeta-Jones looks more like a well-fed Persian cat than a starving music-hall artiste" - Wendy Ide

61: Freebird
"A cast of D-list actors on a brief respite from the dole? Proof that there are few things more tedious than other people's drug experiences" - Wendy Ide

60: Steep
"Combines awe-inspiring photography with some of the most inane drivel about life-changing experiences and profound bonds with Nature you're ever likely to hear" - Wendy Ide

59: The House Bunny
"Bimbo with heart of gold triumphs over snobbery and stereotypes - a standard teen-frat film, but from a female point of view. Frankly, this is one unfunny, vapid bunny I'd like to boil" - Cosmo Landesman

58: Priceless
"Beneath its frothy and "comic" surface lies a cynical, smug and morally imbecilic film that thinks people who exchange sex for money and expensive clothes are rather cute and amusing" - Edward Porter

57: The Eye
"The Sixth Sense twists are as remarkable as pasteurised cheese. The shrieking fright moments break every EU rule about decibel levels" - James Christopher

56: 27 Dresses
"The latest romantic comedy which posits that a woman is somehow incomplete until she has a ring on her finger and a billowing meringue of a dress" - Wendy Ide

55: The Lost City
"Andy Garcia's preposterous vanity project is an all-singing, all-dancing version of the Cuban Revolution. But all is not well in Havana" - James Christopher

54: Back to Normandy
"The interviews are mostly mundane affairs, there is the occasional whiff of the vanity project, and the running time, given the nature of the material, is inexcusable" - Peter Whittle

53: Flashbacks of a Fool
"For a fool, the protagonist of Baillie Walsh's film (played by Daniel Craig) is doing all right. A weirdly pointless film" - Edward Porter

52: Shutter
"From the producers of The Grudge and The Ring comes The Camera – at least, that's what this bland attempt at Asian horror should have been called" - Cosmo Landesman

51: Step Up 2 the Streets
"If there is any mileage left in making films about troubled teenagers expressing themselves through hip-hop, there certainly isn't for doing it with the streams of clichés spouted in this sequel" - Louise Cohen

50: Dan In Real Life
"I was trying to garrotte myself even before the characters started telling each other that "love isn't a feeling, it's an ability" - Edward Porter

49: Babylon AD
"I have a soft spot for Vin Diesel, but it was sorely tested by this slapdash sci-fi effort, which, with its rather sudden ending, seems to have mislaid a whole section of its script" - Peter Whittle

48: Street Kings
"LAPD's finest, Keanu Reeves, blows holes through Korean paedophiles, bent cops, crazed pimps and drug dealers to clean out the corrupt law enforcers and bring order to America" - James Christopher

47: Body of Lies
"Ridley Scott's expensive adventure is a lump of indigestible paranoia. Leonardo DiCaprio is the most gifted CIA agent who has ever glued on a beard in Iraq" - James Christopher

46: Untraceable
"The presence of Diane Lane usually guarantees some class, but not even her turn as an FBI agent can save this nasty, grimy-looking thriller" - Peter Whittle

45: Then She Found Me
"After some laboured attempts at Nora Ephron-style comedy, the film bottoms out as a schmaltzy tale of one woman's stoicism, with a jarring cameo from Salman Rushdie" - Edward Porter

44: Four Christmases
"This crass comedy extinguishes any seasonal goodwill within minutes – it may be the least festive Christmas film yet made" - Tom Charity

43: Botched
"British/German/Irish co-production set in Moscow, featuring a supporting cast of British and Irish character actors wrestling with Russian accents as thick as borscht" - Wendy Ide

42: The Air I Breath
"Full of dumb symbols – meaningless shots of irrelevant objects that strain for significance in a movie completely devoid of the same" - Kevin Maher

41: Fools Gold
"A ghastly romantic comedy about a race to find a 17th-century Spanish wreck full of treasure. Completely dead behind the eyes" - James Christopher

40: Superhero Movie
"A "parody movie" that parodies Spider-Man, Batman and X-Men. By parody, of course, I mean copying the original movie and inserting lots of fart jokes" - Kevin Mahier

39: Max Payne
"Mark Wahlberg trudges through this dull cod-noir fantasy with his standard bemused grimace — not quite a bulldog chewing a wasp, more a bulldog vexed by a wasp alighting on its nose" - Edward Porter

38: Incendiary
"Another grief movie, but one that goes for the jugular with a blunt hatchet: plunges straight down that treacherous black hole that exists between fact and fiction and the inability to replicate either" - Kevin Maher

37: The Accidental Husband
"The mutual attraction between Emma and Patrick is a preposterous piece of plotting: she's a highly-strung Manhattan princess; he's a soccer-playing, beer-swilling, blue-collar bloke" - Wendy Ide

36: Make It Happen
"It could be a contemporary take on classic backstage musicals such as Easter Parade or Kiss Me Kate. Or it could be the end of the cinematic arts as we know them" - Kevin Maher

35: The Rocker
"As rock-based comedies go, this has to be one of the worst in living memory. The music is uninspired pastiche and the comedy is infantile and unoriginal" - Cosmo Landesman

34: Teeth
"The myth of the "vagina dentata" is interpreted all too literally in this amateurish comedy horror. A shoddy and distasteful piece of work that equates female sexuality with violent revenge" - Wendy Ide

33: Strange Wilderness
"It plays like a series of outtakes from the floor of a cutting room reserved for feeble movies" - Edward Porter

32: Irina Palm
"Casting Marianne Faithful as a dowdy housewife would perhaps always be a hard sell. This dreary tale is brightened only by some gloriously awful dialogue" - Edward Porter

31: One Two Three
"British hunk Upen Patel is back, but 'Bollywood Brad' is reduced to an incredulous cameo in this infantile comedy which makes the Farrelly brothers look like Fellini" - Anil Sinanan

30: The Strangers
"A couple are in their remote holiday home when there is a loud knock on the front door at 4am. "Stay here darling with the axe-wielding psychos while I go and get help." Ugh" - James Chrstopher

29: A Bloody Aria
"If this ugly tale of power abuse and violence is intended as an allegory for modern Korean society, then this is one of the most unflattering depictions of a nation's psyche I have seen" - Wendy Ide

28: Choke
"Victor pretends to choke on food so passing good samaritans will save him and, later, lavish money on him. If that doesn't make sense, don't worry: the rest of the film won't either" - Cosmo Landesman

27: Outpost
"This no-budget horror Britflick doesn't boast a single symbol that isn't derivative of another better, more coherent movie" - Kevin Maher

26: Cashback
"Sean Biggerstaff stars as Ben, a rather dull young man who has the ability to stop time. He uses it to be even more boring for even longer" - Wendy Ide

25: Funny Games
"There is only one thing worse than torture porn such as Hostel and Saw - art-house torture porn such as Haneke's film" - Cosmo Landesman

24: Space Chimps
"It's remarkable that they managed to smuggle an oral sex joke into a U-rated movie – "Now that's what I call suction!" says Ham as he returns from the space toilet. How we laughed" - Kevin Maher

23: The Women
"Diane English's hotly anticipated makeover of George Cukor's 1939 classic is a costly and bemusing disaster. Dull is too kind a word. This deeply tedious update sucks every ounce of meaningful poison from the crisp and bitchy original" - James Christopher

22: Lady Godiva
"The cast speak in nonsequiturs and clichés; the good guys drink sherry and the baddies sip Martinis. It's such a horror show of dismal acting and dreadful writing that it's almost worth watching" - Wendy Ide

21: To Get To Heaven, First You Have To Die
"A piece of phallocentric arthouse pabulum masquerading as serious cinema. Tells of a gormless country boy tormented by impotence, who wanders around Tajikistan drooling over luckless women" - Kevin Maher

20: GamerZ
"Woefully inept account of a Scottish university Dungeons and Dragons club. Perhaps a learning curve for all involved. It's not much else" - Kevin Maher

19: The Foot Fist Way
"It's hard to imagine a less sympathetic protagonist. He has David Brent levels of self-importance and would think nothing of kicking a six-year-old in the head if he wanted to make a point" - Wendy Ide

18: Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
"A "Capra-esque" comedy about a big-city talk-show host returning to his country hometown. By Capra-esque I mean jokes about doggie sex, crushed testicles and skunk spray" - Kevin Maher

17: The Bucket List
"Rob Reiner has, unintentionally, created a cinematic first: a film about not one but two people with fatal diseases that is so awful, it makes you wish they'd both hurry up and die" - Cosmo Landesman

16: The Baker
"The jokes are flat; a chaotic sex scene is anything but sexy. And the infuriating Latin-lite soundtrack would be better suited to an advert for carpet shampoo" - Wendy Ide

15: Death Race
"Apparently, the only navigators with map-reading skills equal to the task are half-naked supermodels contractually obliged to synchronise their breasts and buttocks in bouncy slow-motion" - James Christopher

14: Swing Vote
"A political satire with negligible politics and no satire to speak of, it's like a party political broadcast brought to you by the Idiot Party" - Wendy Ide

13: Mutant Chronicles
"The cast ranges from the good to the bad to the gloriously bonkers: John Malkovich, bless him and his rabid overacting. But a screenplay that sounds like it was hewn from chunks of wood is a great leveller, so everyone comes out looking equally inept" - Wendy Ide

12: Eagle Eye
"I don't have the willpower, words, or energy to explain why a psychopathic CIA computer suddenly decides to take over the world. But that's the plot in a nutcase" - James Christopher

11: Rambo
"To justify the quite horrendous level of violence, the film dehumanises the Burmese soldiers to the extent that barely a scene goes by without one of them raping or murdering" - Wendy Ide

10: Alien vs Predator: Requiem
"A wrist-slittingly awful addition to the Alien and Predator franchises. Surely it can't fall much farther. Legions of human extras are eaten or thrown around the set like cannon fodder. Mindless" - James Christopher

9: Righteous Kill
"The teaming together of De Niro and Pacino for some serious screen time together certainly is an event — one you must miss. The best thing that can be said about this film is that you get to see two living legends fall on their faces for the price of one" - Cosmo Landesman

8: Love in the Time of Cholera
"This adaptation of Gabriel GarcÍa Márquez's novel is offensively boring. The entire cast speaks broken English like Manuel in Fawlty Towers" - James Christopher

7: Semi-Pro
"Will Ferrell's movie success is a mystery to many of us – with his dead little eyes and air of Saturday Night Live self-regard, he's hard to like, let alone laugh at" - Peter Whittle

6: 88 Minutes
"There are so many things wrong with this Al Pacino vehicle that it's difficult to know where to start. The fact that it's nearly 30 minutes longer than the title suggests is as pertinent a place as any" - Wendy Ide

5: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
"The latest instalment of George Lucas's interminable franchise has the charm of a cash machine. This noisy animated feature is set in a galaxy that isn't far away enough" - James Christopher

4: First Sunday
"The least funny man ever to make a career in comedy movies, Ice Cube hauls his sullen mug back in front of the cameras for this execrable movie. A new low, even for Ice Cube" - Wendy Ide

3: Never Back Down
"Reveals a genuinely repugnant validation of street violence, a palpable hatred of women, and the worst aspects of crass barrel-scraping Hollywood studio movie-making. Then again, maybe you just had to be in the right mood. Or a Nazi" - Kevin Maher

2: Meet the Spartans
"If Hollywood is really serious about saving the environment, perhaps it should stop polluting it with toxic waste. Barely a movie, more a barf of total idiocy, this spoof of 300 sets its intellectual sights lower than a swamp of primordial soup" - Wendy Ide

1: Disaster Movie
"It could be the first great mainstream art experiment. Or, perhaps, since the opening word of dialogue is "Shit!", the jokes are mostly about it, and the characters are regularly covered in it, it is more likely that the movie itself is just, well..." - Kevin Maher


http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/film/article5245052.ece?print=yes&randnum=1229359306714

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